What I Cannot Say
by Cookies and Ink
Summary: Ron writes a series of letters to his unborn child. [AU - mentions of HarryRon and surrogacy]


**A/N:** Written for Round 12, QLFC. I'm Chaser 2 of the Montrose Magpies. The round was a character study of Ron Weasley and I had to write about _Ron with his children_. I decided to do a little of a unique take on it and went with an AU. Prompts used were: (word) ferocious, (image) a photo of lightning and (quote) If you carry joy in your heart you can heal any moment. - Carlos Santana.

Thanks for reading.

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 **What I Cannot Say**

 **Letter #1 - 7th March 2003**

I've never been very good at expressing myself. Hermione's always been the one that's good with words. Harry's not much better than me, but then, his actions always speak loud enough. You can almost read his mind if you know what to look for.

What am I even doing?

I'm going to destroy this letter by the end of the day. I already feel like an idiot. But if no one's going to read this, I might as well write what I'm thinking down. Maybe it will help with my nerves.

The thing is, I'm terrified.

I haven't been this scared in a long time.

It's not that we need to do anything. I know that I love him and that he loves me. We would do anything for each other. It's more because people are wankers. A Healer tried to tell me I couldn't go see Harry because I wasn't family or recognised as a spouse when he was in Mungo's last year. I've been thinking about it ever since. Well, since I calmed down enough and didn't feel like cursing the Healer on the spot.

I'm going to ask him to marry me. I'm going to do it tonight.

As soon as I made the decision, I started thinking about the future. I like to plan as many steps as I can. So I'm writing this letter to you because I have trouble with words. If anyone ever reads this, if you ever end up existing and read this at some point, then Harry and I started a family. In case I can't show it or say it out loud, I love you.

I have always loved you before I even could know or imagine what you would be like. Does that make sense? I guess I'm just worried that you won't know how important you are so I'm going to try and write it down.

I'm going to write letters so that I can show you, one day when you're real. Or maybe I'll just vanish this and stop being a bloody soppy idiot,

Love, Ron.

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 **Letter 2 - 8th March 2003**

Dear You,

He said yes!

He said yes!

No matter how many times I write it, I can't quite believe that Harry and I are going to get married. Mum's still crying and Hermione fully screamed when we told her. My ears are still ringing. These letters still might not see the light of day but I like the idea of writing my thoughts down at least.

All my love,

Ron.

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 **Letter 27 - 21st August 2005**

Dear You,

Today I think our lives moved one step closer to the day that we'll be able to meet you.

Hermione, Harry and I are considering surrogacy. I thought they might have been joking but now Hermione wants to talk to Seamus since he recently passed his Healer exams. I don't know what to think about all of this, particularly the fact that I'm excited. The ideas we're throwing around feel natural and that's bloody mind-boggling.

The three of us have always been together, through everything. If there's anyone I'd like to start a new adventure with, it's them. And let me tell you, bringing you into the world will certainly be an adventure.

Love,

Your Dad maybe one day.

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 **Letter 56 - 17th June 2007**

Dear Rose,

I held you in my arms today.

Over a year since we first had the conversation about having you, and nine months-ish since Hermione realised she was pregnant. Time has absolutely flown.

I swear when you looked at me, you saw me. I knew I loved you before you even existed but truly Rosie, you are amazing. You're going to be amazing.

I love you.

I'm going to see if your Mum or Harry, your Dad, need any help.

I'm a father.

I can't wait to get to know you more day by day.

Love,

Ron, your Dad.

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 **Letter 308 - 2nd February 2011**

Dear Rosie,

Sometimes I'm very forcefully reminded just who raised you.

Of course, between Hermione and your Dad, Aunty Ginny… You have a lot of strong influences in your life. George is trying out the nickname 'Ferocious Roseious' which I've told him is bloody stupid but today it fits.

You're four and a half now, but just like your Mum, you're older than your years. I love you but today you have been stubborn and I am exhausted. As I'm writing this, it's almost midnight and you're refusing to go to sleep.

So I'm letting you stay up and tomorrow when you're cranky and tried, we'll talk about the consequences.

All my love and sweet dreams,

Your sleepy Dad.

P.S. Your other Dad is being no help at all. He went up to your room to try and get you to sleep. Somehow he's asleep in your bed surrounded by cuddly toys and you're reading picture books to yourself.

Typical.

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 **Letter 335 - 18th June 2011**

Dear Rosie,

Today you did magic for the first time.

I'm so proud.

You were tracing Harry's lightning scars. Then you left, saying you were going to go and colour. When we went to check on you, there was lightning playing out all over the walls and roof of your bedroom in rainbow colours. You told us that you know the scars make your Dad sad sometimes but you thought they were beautiful so you wanted to make them real.

I am glad you just conjured them in crayon and pain to storm on the walls instead of conjuring real lightning. I wouldn't put it past you.

I am so proud.

You're going to be an amazing witch and incredible person. You're already my shining star.

All my love,

Dad.

* * *

 **Letter 703 - 27th August 2018**

Dear Rosie,

Over the past eleven years, I've written hundreds of letters. Much to Hermione's astonishment, I managed to transfigure all of them into this book that will make it easier for you to read.

You're going to be on the train in three days for the first time. I'm so proud of you but I'm worried you don't know that. It's something that Harry and I say all the time, so I'm worried that you just think it's a throwaway thing. It's not. I am so proud of you little star.

You've brought so much joy into the lives of everyone who has ever met you.

I didn't realise how much my heart needed healing until I married your Dad. Then you were brought into our lives and I have experienced more joy than I could have ever imagined.

I am going to give you this book to take with you to Hogwarts, for any of those days when you're missing home and family.

Rosie, I love you. I am so proud of you. I've always been proud of you and I cannot wait read the letters you're going to write to me for a change once you're in Hogwarts.

All my love, as always.

Dad x


End file.
